Music by Elton John
Lyrics by Bernie Taupin
Available on the album Don't Shoot Me I'm Only The Piano Player

I was sitting in the classroom
Trying to look intelligent
In case the teacher looked at me
She was long and she was lean
She's a middle-aged dream
And that lady means the whole world to me

It's a natural achievement
Conquering my homework
With her image pounding in my brain
She's an inspiration
For my graduation
And she helps to keep the classroom sane


Oh teacher I need you like a little child
You got something in you to dri

Do that thing
I must, I must, I must increase my bust (x4)
I've got to admit I'm obsessed by tits
I've had this problem since I was a kid
I used to look up to my Auntie Marie
Because she had big tits hanging down to her knees
Her nipples were poking right out of her gown
If boobs could be wings she'd be flying around
As I grew older I made up my mind
I'd get me the biggest ones I could find
I must, I must, I must increase my bust (x4)
Do that thing
I must, I must, I must increase my bust (x4)
My ass just got big and my boobs stayed the same
I had to do something cause I was ashamed
I filled up my bra with melons and see
I looked like a faggot, a vamp in 3-D
The trick with the melons a shot in the eye
Not long did I wait to catch the first guy
And of course I forgot that melons do rot
I smelled like garbage, shit warmed up
I must, I must, I must increase my bust (x4)
I got a new plan, the idea it's real cool
I decided to go to a gymnastics school
There I found out that I'm not alone
Suffering from this flat-chested syndrome
So when I wake up or go back into bed
I remember the wise words that my teacher said,
"If you want your man to drown in your lust,
You must, you must, increase your bust."
I must, I must, I must increase my bust (x4)
Do that thing
I must, I must, I must increase my bust (x4)

Acres The Pocket Of A Clown Iceage Kept Boy Don't you take it too bad I Care 4 U Loose Talk Costs Lives Charleston Lessons Caution Below the Belt Passenger Point of No Return Teenage Witch Believe Am I Too Blue Homestead In My Heart The Thin Wall Pop Hates the Beatles Mad the Swine A General Pink Houses Rain is Falling ANOTHER TICKET

Tease Me Please Me 867-5309/Jenny Bewitched Knowledge God Strange Brew SUMMER'S MY SEASON Trainspottin' You're Bleeding Nobody Knows It But Me Hey, Louis Prima Go On And Go Fiesta Offerings DATE BAIT Jeckyll or Hyde Waiting For Heaven You Can Be Mine Vildmarkens Fortrollande Stammor Ego Seandainya Circle of Light Little Martha On And On Does Your Mother Know?